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It all started in the airport last week. As the Southwest representative scanned my boarding pass and driver's license, she casually remarked, "You know your license is expired, right?" HARD, HARD GULP.
OMG, how could I have done this? Am I going to be able to get on on the plane? Ugh, will this delay us? What am I going to say to Kerry, Kyle and his buddy Dante? That I am ruining their vacation because I'm too big of a moron to remember to go to the BMV and get my license renewed? Man, am I gonna get on this plane or will I have to catch another? Or will they let me board any plane at all? Will my family leave me here? They wouldn't do that. Would they? OMG, they're going to leave me here.
How can they just leave me here? Fine; let them go, I don't care. It's not like I need a vacation anyway. I've only been working a bazillion hours a week for the last 87 years and haven't had a full vacation since the glaciers became lakes. Whatever. That's okay, don't worry about me. I'll just stay back; all by myself. In fact, I will wait right here. I will spend my entire week in this very spot. I'll never leave the airport. I won't eat, I won't shower. It'll be like, a hunger strike or something. (Well, unless I'm really, really starving, you know.) Either way, I'll be a pathetic sight; a total heap of a mess when they return all suntanned and rested and happy and what not.
HMPF. As for me, I'll be all sad and whiny and gross and shriveled up in a ball and that'll show them! They'll be sorry. They'll all be sorry!!! #RantingInsideMyHead #RidiculouslyImmature #WhatABaby
At least, those were a fraction of the self-pitying irrational thoughts bursting out of my brain in the split second after she uttered the phrase. Almost immediately afterward, she followed up with: "Oh, I'm just telling you as a courtesy since TSA grants a 30-day window. Have a great flight!"
Ahem. As I was saying, once I got back from Florida, I made tracks to the BMV confident that, perhaps just this one time, with my newly-colored hair, fresh tan and fairly-rested self, my new DL photo might actually look human.
Um, no. Instead, I could easily swap it out for one of those "Most Wanted" mugs hanging in the post office, yo. WHY, OH WHY CAN'T I EVER TAKE A NORMAL ID PHOTO??? I mean, why do they even ask you your eye color when your lids are almost always partially closed in that horrid snap? #HideousAndFrightening
Not wanting to be a diva, I simply nodded sheepishly when the sweet boy at the BMV, who was clearly stifling uproarious laughter as he looked at my picture said, "Um, will this be okay, Ma'am?"
I guess it serves me right for being such a whiny baby. Oh well. Maybe in another four years? Heck, at least I made my plane.
#WorstIDPictureEver #LookLikeAMethAddict #CouldUseItToDeterCriminals
JN 3:16-21 God so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him will not be condemned, but whoever does not believe has already been condemned, because he has not believed in the name of the only-begotten Son of God. And this is the verdict, that the light came into the world, but people preferred darkness to light, because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come toward the light, so that his works might not be exposed. But whoever lives the truth comes to the light, so that his works may be clearly seen as done in God.