Dear Auto-Generated Message Sender...Back Off, Bruh

GRATEFUL GIRL'S THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
You get 'em. I get 'em. We ALL get them.

Mostly, we just hit delete after a quick skim of the body based on the subject line title.

I speak of the innocuous but annoying nuisance e-mails. Not anything harmful, mind you---just so flipping irksome that they make you want to toss your monitor off the top of the Eiffel Tower, okay? They are the electronic equivalent of that dreaded computer call message on your home answering machine. You know the one:

"Hi. This is Jane Irritating from We Want Your Money, Inc. Please call us back at 800-sendcashnow and take advantage of our free offer to give you nothing at all but make it seem like you're winning the lottery. Sorry we missed you but don't worry, we'll call back every day between now and the onset of the Zombie Apocalypse. Maybe even a few days after."

The email version is just as annoying. Especially when the sneaky tactic of using your first name in the subject line.

"Patty, Do You Have Time for a Quick Meeting?"

Trying to make me think you're my boss for a millisecond is NOT endearing you to me, ya big creep. DELETE.

Only out-jerked by the moron who keeps using that same MO --- and using the wrong name. #youcantmakethisup

"Hi Chris, Please Let Me Know When We Can Chat." Awesome, how about February 31st? UNSUBSCRIBE.

Listen, I understand that everyone has a job and needs to make a living. If you call me and pitch your services/wares, I'll be honest and tell you whether or not I'm interested.

But if you try to hand me your pitch after busting out my garage window and breaking into my house to intrude into my family room; I'm freezing you out. Like forever.

Fool me once, shame on you. Try to fool me 47 more times, you are blocked for eternity, stupid head.

#fortheloveofallthatisholystopemailingme

MT 11:25 Blessed are you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth; you have revealed to little ones the mysteries of the Kingdom.