I Believe this Loogie-Filled Hock Belongs to You

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Ps 119:1, 2, 10, 11, 17, 18 Blessed are they who follow the law of the Lord! Blessed are they whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the LORD. R. Blessed are they who follow the law of the Lord! Blessed are they who observe his decrees, who seek him with all their heart. With all my heart I seek you; let me not stray from your commands. Within my heart I treasure your promise, that I may not sin against you. Be good to your servant, that I may live and keep your words. Open my eyes, that I may consider the wonders of your law. Lk 21:28 Stand erect and raise your heads because your redemption is at hand.

You know how, when you're a member of a wedding party...or it's your birthday...or it's the annual family picnic and you wind up having to pose for a photo for like, four-and-a-half-days? Same end result if your 97-year-old great Aunt Rosie has offered to snap a picture with your smart phone on any old day of the year.

You know how the drill. Your face starts to quiver and your eyelid's twitchy and you feel all weird. Your teeth are suddenly drier than the Sahara and your upper lip becomes suctioned to them. And you start to get an itch right on the tip of your nose then suddenly you have to go to the restroom and your thighs are starting to cramp up because you've been in an unnatural squatting position so long it's going to take three chiropractors and the jaws of life to get you standing up straight at the end of it all. Sigh.

Well, that's how I feel when I have to pretend polite someone. What, you're unfamiliar with this phrase?

Pretend polite is when someone has trashed your abilities behind your back or taken cheap shots at your kid's accomplishments or mocked your significant other's job -- but for whatever reason (you're in the same friend circle; you're in the same PTA or homeowners' group; you're in the same work space; this nimrod works at your doctor's office and so on and so forth) you must repeatedly see and be civil to him/her. Grrr.

So you pretend polite them. Fake smiles. Insincere head nods. Indirect responses as you look right through them. Jerkfaces. I'm so bad at this. My poker face is weak, yo. Working on it though, since it's both immoral and illegal to throat punch someone out of the clear blue. I'd much rather just avoid them and never have to be in the same zip code ever again, Capisce? Alas, that's not always an option when you're a grown up.

​Man this adulting stuff really has its drawbacks. Hmpf. ​Oh well, it's all good because it all comes out in the wash, my friends.

​So take the high road and stiffen your upper lip (like literally) the best you can. Someday that bonehead's gonna take a deep breath of that loogie-filled hock they spat out there at you...and into the wind, you dig?   #YouReapWhatYouSow #DontLetTheTurkeysGetYouDown

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