Let's Face It: Masks Aren't the Problem, People...

Spon: www.cailorfleming.com/ https://chickfilasouthernpark.com/ https://hbkswealth.com/staff/anthony-j-scrocco/    Ps. 89: Forever I will sing the goodness of the Lord 

It worked for Zorro.
 
It works for all those singers on that oddly popular FOX-TV music show.
 
It’s the highlight of many a themed ball, not to mention being a requirement for Mardi Gras, Carnivale, and of course, my least favorite “holiday” – Halloween. Don’t get me started on why that is so NOT a legit holiday. I digress.
 
Motion pictures, classic television series, and even Broadway plays have been founded upon characters sporting a wide consignment of various makes and models of ‘em.
 
Also, y’all, it’s been a staple for like, 82% of all the major superheroes in the history of um, comic book superhero-dom – oh, and clearly for almost 100% of the villains they repeatedly fight
 
Hey, what’s up with that, by the by? I mean, if Batman is really all that, why is the Joker not serving 847 back-to-back life sentences in the Gotham clink for the criminally creepy, huh? Oops, I pulled a Britney and did it again. Either way.
 
Look, masks are not just for lawbreakers or parties or even those who can outrun speeding bullets. After all, today’s face-coverings ain’t your Grandad’s veneer, a’ight? So, I beg the question: when did masks become Public Enemy #1? Sheesh; they’re just little pieces of colored cloth trying to achieve a noble task in a world gone cocoa loco, yo. Why are masks suddenly the Charlie Browns of the accessory world, for Pete’s sake? It’s a world full of Lucy Van Pelts, I’m afraid.
 
For all you haters out there, let me just offer a different approach. Why not think of all the BENEFITS wearing a mask offers? Sure, they  make for a toasty church service and occasionally fog up your lenses. But there ARE some distinct “pros” to masketeering, such as:
 
-You don’t have to brush teeth! I mean, ew and all but hey, if you’re in a hurry; now it can wait?

-You can skip wearing your retainer --or you can sneak in a stick of chewing gum (for those with braces who ought not be doing that). Nobody will even know! Well, your orthodontist will, eventually. And your Mother will know; she can always tell when you’re fibbing – even when you’re incognito, yo.

-You can run out without your dentures in all your glorious gummy glory!

-It makes mumbling under your breath at people much less noticeable. Not that I would ever condone such an act, natch.
 
Still not convinced? Even after you got your special-order dolphin-bedazzled beauty from Amazon, finally? Well, consider this – toss some sunglasses and a non-identifiable ball cap on and now you’re completely on the lamb, see? Just think:
 
-The paparazzi won’t find you; you can walk amongst the common folk unnoticed!

-You can buy trans-fat-filled foodstuffs in peace and without judgement or fear of reprisal! Consider the donuts and cookies and pastries – oh my!

-Makeup freedom; woot woot! 

-You can hide from your two quarreling besties … or your high school boyfriend who shops at the same market … or your old boss. Ahhhh, nice.

-You can customize the exterior and get that pouty-lipped Lisa Rinna look you’ve been wanting to test, without having to actually inject poison into your face!

-Laugh lines? Ha!
 
Oh, and let’s not forget the best of all the reasons to slap that puppy over your nose and mouth --- um, saving yourself and the other earthlings from getting sick, okay? Put on the flippity flopping mask already, Capsice?
 
Kimerer is a blogger/columnist who’s still smiling these days; you just can’t see it under her cute sunflower mask!

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