The Older I Get ... The Less I Know!

That the old adage of “the older I get, the more I realize how little I know” (or some variation thereof) rings truer to me with each passing year.

Seriously. 

How can you reach a certain age and continue to deny that our parents were indeed right about this particular assertion?

My Pop used to tell me that he’d forgotten more than I’d likely ever learn.

True dat.

Yet, apparently, I am not necessarily in the mad majority in this distinctive mindset.

Let’s face it: We’ve all got that one (at minimum) person in our particular orbit who have it on great authority that they, well, have it on great authority. 

In other words, they are convinced of their own delusion of grandeur. You know, believing in their own press and all.

Some might find this attitude a bit off-putting.

Fine, I’m some. 

Any who, just for funsies, I did a rogue internet search on clever quips to combat conceit.

You know, slick strategies for waylaying a wiseacre, so to speak.

Here’s a bit of what I unearthed in that vast cosmos of cyberspace.

The site www.brainyquote.com serves up such retorts as follows:

 “You must be fun at parties with all that trivia.”
“Did Google give you a medal for all this knowledge?” 
 “Wow, you should start charging for all this unsolicited advice.”
“That’s cool, but I’m going to stick with reality.”
“Is there anything you don’t know? Must be exhausting.”
“Unless you’ve legally changed your name to Google, stop acting like you know it all.”
“Thanks, but I prefer to think for myself.”
“Did you rehearse that in the mirror? It’s pretty convincing.”
“You should write a book! Oh wait, nobody would read it.”

Ouch -- especially on that last one.

Sometimes, it’s better to keep things light and throw in a little humor. Here are some witty replies that’ll likely get everyone laughing—even the know-it-all.

“You’re like Wikipedia, but with way more attitude.”
“Oh wow, it’s like I’m talking to the internet itself!”
“Let me know when you’re done bragging, so I can give you a round of applause.”
“Do you get a bonus for every fact you drop?”
“You’re weird.” (Okay, that’s just mean. PK don’t play that way.)
“If I had a dollar for every time you said something unnecessary, I’d be rich.”
“Your brain must be huge, but I bet your phone bill is higher.”
“I know you are, but what am I?“ (Hmm. A little too “Pee Wee Herman”-esque for my taste.)
“You’re like a human pop-up ad—always there and always annoying.” Again, not nice, but as someone driven nearly to the brink of madness by the sheer volume of incessant pop-ups on any and every form of social media, I’m there for this one.
“You have all the answers, yet somehow, you’re the problem.” Yikes!
“Instead of agreeing to disagree, how about you just hush?”  Sorry but I gotta drop an LOL here.
“Ever thought about using that brainpower for something useful?”
“It must be hard carrying around that much useless information.”
“You’ve got the confidence of someone who’s never been told they’re wrong.”
“Keep talking; I’m sure you’ll convince someone eventually.”

Since that smattering was so rough, I wanted to offset it with muted tones more in line with PKisms. “Aging Capriciously” offered the following:
​
“I appreciate your input, but I think I’ll handle it my way.”
“That’s an interesting perspective, but I’m confident in my approach.”
“Thank you for sharing, but I’m comfortable with my decision.”
“I see where you’re coming from, but I have a different view.”
“Thanks for the advice; I’ll take it under consideration.”
“You’ve given me something to think about, thank you.”
“I respect your knowledge, but this time, I’ll go with my gut.”

As a bonus round, of sorts, there was an entirely separate section on said site for social media specific burns that included these gems:

“Cool story, bro. Now back to reality.”
“Didn’t ask, but thanks for the TED Talk.”
“Imagine thinking you’re the main character of the internet.”
“WYS“ For my fellow ‘80s kids, this stands for “What are you saying?”
“You’ve officially won the comment section. Congrats!”
“Is there an off button for your opinions?”
“I’d say ‘bless your heart,’ but even that feels too kind.”
“Your internet points are in the mail.”
“Thanks for your input, Captain Obvious. We’ll take it from here.”
​
And on that note, happy sparring with your own particular Smarty Pants. Hee!

---