SPONSOR: hbkcpa.com/consultants/richard-c-morrow/ Jn 10:27: Here I am, Lord; I come to do your will.
Whoever originated the phrase: "Change is good" wasn't all that happy in the first place, know what I'm sayin', y'all?
'Cause I'm here to tell you; that line has been oversold for centuries, a'ight?
Look, I acknowledge that change is the only constant in life. I get it.
And I also acquiesce that to be a functioning human on the third rock, you really must be adaptable to it. I don't know, it felt like an acquiesce moment, sue me.
But, is change, in fact, ALWAYS good? Um, nah; at least, not on the surface.
Sometimes, it involves removal of the physical presence of another homosapien of whom you are quite fond. This can be temporary or more of a long-standing situation.
-Maybe your kids moved away to college...or out of state to start a career. Someone remove knife from heart, please? Can't breathe.
-Maybe your best friend moved to Florida. Monthly order of tissues placed; thanks, Amazon.
-Maybe your parents retirement-relocated to Arizona. I know I'm all grown up but there are days when is still need me Mum and Pop. Okay fine, everyday.
-Maybe you decided to leave a job you've been in for 22 years to start something new...like, the company you've always wanted to own. TERROR TIMES TEN THOUSAND...fear of the unknown, even when it's your choice, is REAL, people.
-Maybe time, tragedy or illness stole someone you adore from this big round ball. Words fail; we're never ready to say goodbye to a loved one.
-Being strong, independent, well-adjusted and happy IS what we want for the offspring.
-Your pals and your folks have EVERY right to sunshine every day; they're good peeps, after all.
-The courage to jump headlong into a new adventure might be scary but it's also mega-exciting and spilling over with potential.
-This globe is just one part of the story; we all know there's a much better place up there with OPEN signs in every window, every day. A bright, beautiful, happy spot where it's warm and welcoming all the time, travel is FREE and there are eternal visiting hours, you dig?
So, while I don't always love change as much as, say, a big bowl of homemade gnocchi, it does always open the door on a lesson...if you let it. And it's sure a terrific opportunity to stop, reflect, appreciate, be in the moment, breathe and pray, Capisce? #LifeIsAGift #LoveEveryDay #Pray
SPONSOR: hbkcpa.com/consultants/richard-c-morrow/ MK 9:7 The heavens were opened and the voice of the Father thundered: This is my beloved Son, listen to him.
Well, it's only a matter of days now. Hours, really, if you want to get technical.
Soon and very soon, I'm going to burn through my entire supply. The whole stockpile…poof! And then…life will take a very dark turn for PK, folks.
It'll be a sad, sad day; one lamented until the very moment sometime in (hopefully!) September when they come back.
No, I'm not talking about the reindeer. Nor those icky elves that go on shelves (shudder; those things creep me out!).
I don't mean the cookies, the carols, the Hallmark movies, the cranberry sauce, the chestnuts or the Panettone (Italian Christmas bread), either. Although, if I'm being honest, I weep for the annual loss of all the afore-mentioned -- save the tiny pixies that make my skin crawl.
I'm sorry "Elf on the Shelf" enthusiasts but what is with the weird expressions on their faces? And why are people always having them do disturbing things, such as: pooping out chocolates atop peanut butter blossoms or leaving (green) pea "puddles" of pretend piddle all over the floor or drunkenly puking in the master bath of Barbie's dream home? Gross little buggers. That last one proves Dads have as much a hand in this bizarre ritual as Moms, am I right?
Back to the problem at hand. Better yet, make that problem at hands…as in I wrap them both around a hot cup of Donut House® Chocolate Donut flavored coffee doused with my favorite creamer: Sugar Free Peppermint Mocha Coffee Mate® during pretty much every day of the holiday season from Halloween through The Epiphany.
It is perfection in a toasty cup, friends. There's nothing like that first sip on a cold, winter's morn to reset the psyche and bolster one's confidence in facing the day ahead. Ahhhhhh.
But I only have about two containers of the seasonal treat left. And trust me…this java junkie can't stretch that out much past end of month. #AddictWithAMug
Think it's not a real problem? Tell that to my poor sister, who literally bought up DOZENS of bottles of the stuff during the holiday season just to keep her baby sibling amply supplied. She kinda my dealer, yo.
One fellow addict girlfriend and I developed an understanding years ago: she lets me know as soon as she spies a container of Peppermint Mocha and I give her the secret code at the first sign of Pumpkin Spice. Co-dependency between addicts ---who ironically don't eager sugar- well, it's quite the perplexing little paradox.
Shoot, I even had third parties buying up every coffer they could find or e-mailing, texting or calling me to tell me where I could score, you dig?
At one point, I left sauce cooking on the stovetop and 4,297 half-wrapped presents strewn about the family room floor after getting tipped to a new shipment across town, see. I had to get there before some other nutball bought the entire kitty out from under me!
Alas, soon I'll be forced to go cold turkey. All this in the same week Rascal Flatts announced their retirement, Pier 1 closed up shop and Prince Harry decided he and Meghan don't need no stinking crowns.
Come on! How much can I take on a dreary January morning, people?
And suddenly, like a sunburst through storm clouds, there it was, hiding behind the crusty old eggnog carton … an unopened bottle.
If I ration carefully, my three-pack just might get me through Groundhog Day…
Kimerer is a Trib/Vindy columnist seeking sealed bottles of her fave creamer. Hit her up with any contraband at www.patriciakimerer.com
SPONSOR: hbkcpa.com/consultants/richard-c-morrow/ Lk 4: 18 The Lord has sent me to bring glad tidings to the poor and to proclaim liberty to captives.
Ya really gotta hand it to physicists, et al. I mean, for instance, that whole space-time continuum thing; is that a LOO LOO to explain, understand and digest or what?
Me? I'll stick to prose and grammar. Science is scary enough but to compound it with mathematics? SHUDDER.
Time is a tricky concept, IMHO. Yet, I thought if I could get a better grip on that whole space-time continuum thing, maybe I could understand a little easier why time is such a conundrum? Here's what Wikipedia revealed:
Albert Einstein proposed special relativity in 1905 but it was his teacher, Hermann Minkowski, who suggested space-time, in a 1908 essay. By most accounts. the space-time continuum (also often referred to as "String Theory") basically states: The universe can be viewed as having three space dimensions — up/down, left/right, forward/backward — and one time dimension. This 4-dimensional space is referred to as the space-time continuum. Hmm. 'Kay.
I dug a little deeper and found that Edgar Allan Poe wrote an essay on cosmology titled "Eureka" even before that (1848) which stated: "space and duration are one". I mean, he didn't explain it, per say, but dadgum it, we writers stick together, a'ight? Either way, none of it helped me decipher:
-If Christmas was a mere two weeks ago, why does it feel like it happened during the Revolutionary War?
-If my son was 12 a few years ago, how is he now entering his second semester as a college sophomore?
-How is it possible that I've been a features writer/columnist for almost 30 years now? [NOTE: I spoke this aloud today for the first time and I think all the atoms in my immediate airspace split because I couldn't breathe.] Look, it's just not feasible since I am only 39, after all...okay fine, 39 plus 12.
Rotten space-time continuum. Looks like that thing is NOT slowing down, friends, so it's up to us to do so.
As in, we need to enjoy the here and now --and the earthlings in 'em. The blessing of time is un-spooling FAST along that old String Theory, Capsice?
#TimeFlies #EnjoyEveryDay #LifeIsABlessing #Pray #Peace
SPONSOR: hbkcpa.com/consultants/richard-c-morrow/ Lk 4:18 The Lord has sent me to bring glad tidings to the poor and to proclaim liberty to captives.
It amuses me when someone doubts angels. I find it funny because I know, without any sliver of doubt or nanosecond of hesitation, that angels exist. Oh yes they do, ding dang it.
If they didn't, how could we explain all the "near hits" (I don't consider them "near misses" if calamity is avoided; that's a solid miss, no?) that occur every day on the third rock.
Be they in the car, on a plane, in a stairwell, along a trail, in a boat, weathering a huge storm...or any old time and place you ALMOST meet with horrific tragedy--but DON'T; how do you think you escaped? David Blaine? Maybe Chris Angel (couldn't resist) but nah, neither.
What about bursts of light or oddly placed prisms (rainbows) that suddenly appear around, near or above you in the midst of a particularly dark moment? Or the flip side: clouds that are perfectly formed in an angel's likeness (think halos and wings) ...or that break open to reveal bursts of sunlight jutting through them? What, you think that's like, Jim Cantori's doing?
Look, I love The Weather Channel, too, but...nope. Still don't believe me?
Then explain away those inexplicable but undeniable "corner of my eye" situations. Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about, yo. You're apprehensive about something, maybe even a little frightened, when suddenly, you catch a glimpse of someone or something only to look up and bam! She's gone. Yet, you are somehow calmed and comforted by the whole exchange. Coincidence?
Oooh and there's my absolute favorite form...the kind of angels who work through your family members and friends via little --or sometimes not so little-- words or expressions or gestures.
It could be thanking you for something you wrote or said to cheer them ... or mailing you an uplifting card ... or putting together an amazingly thoughtful piece of personalized wall art (still crying with joy, work fam!) ...
Or leaving secret admirer Kris Kringle gifts (love ya, Jodi!) ... or even bringing you a bottle of your favorite sugar-free creamer because you forgot to pack yours this morning (Gina, Kevin, Kels---MWAH!), you dig?
Ah yes, angels ARE in the outfield, my friends. And the infield. And midfield, backfield and just hanging out over in the wheat, corn, clover or any old field, Capisce? And I for one, am so grateful that they spend as much time helping the humans as they do. #IBelieveInAngels
Here's hoping you're thanking your Guardian Angels; they sure do dig you tons, a'ight?
#ThankYouFriendAngels #LoveYouFam #GodIsReal #AngelsExist #Pray #Peace
SPONSOR: hbkcpa.com/consultants/richard-c-morrow/ MT 2:2 We saw his star at its rising and have come to do him homage.
You say you need a resolution? Well, you know, it's true, we all wanna change … um, lots of stuff, I suppose.
Mostly personal, am I right?
It is a fact that, just as the earth dwellers have done from cave-critter days through the log cabin phase up to the present flip-this-house day; we take this time at the first part of the first month of a new year, decade and potentially era (hey, this could be another "Roaring '20s" for all we know?), and begin the ritual.
Indeed, oaths, vows, declarations, promises and pledges to self are being made throughout the whole of the third rock as you read this very line. Er, at least by sunrise manana.
Given that New Year's Day fell in the middle of the week this potentially historic year, I'm hunchin' that the humans are embarking upon this epic epoch as soon as the rooster crows TOMORROW. No judgement; it's the "first FULL week" logic. Yadda yadda yadda.
And so, the inevitable and ages-old quandary of man versus self emerges as we look at our reflections tomorrow and say: HOW WILL YOU MAKE LIFE BETTER FOR THOSE IN YOUR ORBIT IN THE NEW YEAR, DORKFACE?
Oh, maybe I'm the only self-deprecator in the bunch? I digress. Then again, maybe I don't digress.
Perhaps I should start with a little less PK-bashing and a little more of that mushy gushy "self-love" I keep hearing the Kardashians and Taylor Swift (et a)l yammering on and on about? You know, the whole not-feeling-guilty about spending time -and perhaps money- on YOU.
Like, going to a spa … or attending a girls' weekend … or eating lunch someplace other than over your keyboard and behind your monitor.
Hmm. I guess I could try it, although the shame and remorse are already welling up inside me like helium in a Macy's parade float. I swear I'm sweating.
These "self-lovers" - they don't happen to be Italian Catholics, do they? Didn't think so; that's not how we're wired, exactly…sigh.
Dude, it's been under a minute and I've already spilled a humongous figurative coffee stain all over my "self-love" on its inaugural wearing. Shoot now I probably can't even return it for something of equal or lesser value, say, "self-tolerating"? Hmpf.
Maybe a different resolution route? Like, trying harder not to flipping cuss so stinking much. Ahem. What? It's not tomorrow yet!
Or definitely less complaining. You don't need specifics but suffice it to say that "Babies R Us" isn't always exclusively about diaper genies and strollers, Capisce? Sometimes I'm a Wendy Whiner…on steroids…during a tropical depression…times Pi. I'll work on it.
Less grumbling; more giving. Yeah, that's the ticket for 2020. This self-proclaimed grateful girl needs to give a little more than before. And, as a barometer I gathered a bunch of great suggestions from Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta.
I found 29 of her top quotes (one for nearly every day of the month) but here are three of my faves:
"If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one."
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
"Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier."
Amen. And in 2020, I'm determined to pen at least one kernel of knowledge to inspire another---like Saint Mother Teresa does for me ... and millions of other homosapiens, too. Happy resolving, all!
Kimerer is a columnist with a whiny disposition but sunny soul. Check out her inner brightness at her blog site www.patriciakimerer.com
SPONSORS: www.linkedin.com/in/jimdascenzo/ www.companycasuals.com/stitchart/start.jsp/ Jn 1: This is the testimony of John: “I am the voice of one crying out in the desert, ‘Make straight the way of the Lord,’ ...“I baptize with water; but...the one who is coming after me, whose sandal strap I am not worthy to untie.”
Remember how busy the mall parking lot was about two weeks ago? That place was JAMMIN', yo. Tonight, you can probably get a primo parking spot at your fave department store, no prob. Instead, every gym and health club lot will be packed to the gills.
Also, I'm guessing Core Life Eatery, Subway Sandwich Shop, and any restaurant with "vegan," "meatless," "Keto-friendly," or "plant-based" in or around it's title will also be at maximum seating capacity tonight and for the foreseeable future. Winner, winner grilled chicken dinner for these establishments.
Weight Watchers' "new and improved" program, Nutrisystem's monthly BOGO free plan, the new-fangled NOOM dealio and even old Jenny Craig are all on auto-pilot...just waitin' to separate eager first-time members from sizable fees/costs. Small price to pay for health, right?
Then again, Peloton is charging (and easily raking in) the cost of a tiny third-world country (per machine!) to those dedicated cycle-enthusiasts of privilege. CHA-CHING for the high-end exercise bling!
It's #NewYearsResolution time, people. Alas, fear not. Come March, your old gym spot will be free. The lines at Subway will have dwindled and Oprah, Marie Osmond and Jenny herself are going to have to drop back and punt on their 2020 marketing plans.
Actually, I'm wrong.
Apparently all that reshuffling will occur BEFORE March because, according to U.S. News & World Report, 80% of New Year's resolutions fail by February.
Happens every year. Literally. Sigh.
Don't set yourself up, people of earth! Instead of fixating on an unrealistic or unsustainable goal (dude, NOBODY eats Keto forever), maybe do a softer launch on your campaign?
Walk a little more. Stop having steak and lobster dinners at 10PM. Eat one or two cookies instead of a whole sleeve. Baby steps.
Better still, focus on something else. Commit to reading a classic American novel...or an extra long, super-duper far-out fiction...or maybe even the greatest book ever written (that would be The Bible, y'all) over the course of the year.
Volunteer at a homeless shelter. Adopt a rescue pet. Set 10 dollars per month aside to give to a local charity.
To keep a resolution through to its end doesn't mean being able to bench press 550 pounds or look like a Hadid by December 31, 2020. I mean, it could, but that's not really the point. This is:
If you make even one little adjustment that helps another human or two ... well, you've actually changed not just yourself but the whole world, Capsice?
Happy 2020 Resolutions, everyone! #CommitToCompassion #GiveInTheNewYear #ResolveToHelpOthers #Pray #Peace
SPONSORS: www.linkedin.com/in/jimdascenzo/ www.companycasuals.com/stitchart/start.jsp/ PS 96: Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice...today a great light has come upon the earth!
There's nothing like the end of a year…especially one that concludes a decade…to make one reflective.
I mean, there's a reason Auld Lange Syne gets played 87 bazillion times annually between December 26th and January 1st, capisce?
The humans like to take time to think about what's transpired in the past 365 days as they prepare to step forward into a new batch of 'em.
You may or may not be aware that the iconic New Year's Eve song is based on a 1788 Robert Burns poem. The phrase literally translates to "old long since," or "days gone by." Hence the connection with the end of the year.
And so, as we ready ourselves for 2020, I find myself pensively contemplating a great many things.
The state of the country …the climate …the rain forest …the very essence of the meaning of life. Sure, all that. But other really important stuff, too, such as:
How does Giada DeLaurentis eat all that fattening food and still look like Twiggy? Oh…for the four people living under a flavorless rock where there's no signal connecting them to the Food Network, Giada is one of the channel's most popular, celebrated and dare I say, hot, chefs.
The Italian-born beauty is completely stunning and looks more super-model than chef extraordinaire; she's sorta both.
A classically trained (the Cordon Bleu, thank you very much!) chef of Hollywood film lineage (her grandfather was acclaimed movie director Gino De Laurentis and her grandmother was actress Silvana Mangano), she has written several cookbooks, hosted many Food Network shows, has a line of cookware and owns restaurants in Las Vegas. #DrivenDiva
But how does she retain raven-haired Barbie doll looks despite creating some of the most calorific delicacies this side of the Amalfi Coast?
Speaking of food mysteries of the universe, here's something else I'm a wonderin' in these waning days of 2019.
Why is it vanilla almond cake? When I was a kid, I swear it was called white almond. So, what gives? Isn't vanilla white? What the heck is the difference?
And for that matter, if we've always called brown cake chocolate, why haven't we always called white cake vanilla? Oooh, and what's the deal with yellow, anyway? It tastes kinda the same as white-is it a matter of food coloring? (FYI, I searched this and found that white cake uses egg WHITES, vanilla uses the whole egg and yellow incorporates custard. You're welcome.)
Also, why, when you order "half and half" or marble flavored cake, why is it always yellow and chocolate/brown? Why not white and brown? Hmm.
Speaking of colors…
Why are some trees prematurely colorful ---or entirely bald by early autumn-- while others remain green until late January? And I'm not exclusively referring to pine (read: "evergreen") trees but those weird "holding onto my leaves like grim death" suckers out there.
Rotten late bloomers; like the danged 57-year-olds still getting carded when they buy wine at the grocery store.
While we're on hues…
Why is permanent hair color only permanent on everything (porcelain sinks, towels, wall and floor tiles, um, my forehead) but my grays?
What I'm really wondering most of all is: why is some silly sap waxing over the inconsequential when there's a whole new year of hope and opportunity looming just around the bend to ponder? Oh, don't even get me STARTED on what I'm wondering for the next 365…
Happy 2020, all!
P.S. Happy heavenly birthday to my little Grami today!!!
Kimerer is a Trib/Vindy columnist with lots of trivial matters rolling around her noggin. Check some of them out at www.patriciakimerer.com
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