SPONSORS: www.hbkcpa.com/consultants/melissa-crowley/ www.cailorfleming.com Mk 1:15 The Kingdom of God is at hand; repent & believe in the Gospel.
I'm not cool like George Lucas.
I mean, I'd like to have you believe that I'm discerning and astute enough to have devised it in advance.
I wish I could honestly say that, in the spirit of contemplative planning, I had a prequel in mind when I wrote this coming's Sunday column about being a hermit.
Hermitess, if I'm being anatomically accurate. Either way.
Point is, I'm not that pensive, sadly.
I thought of this blog topic AFTER THE FACT, though it could correspond to my unwillingness to be as social as I was in my youth. And here's one of the main reasons: the latrine.
That's right, people. As I was standing in line, waiting to use a public toilet last weekend, I had a moment of absolute clarity...
THIS IS A STRONG ARGUMENT FOR NOT WANTING TO GO OUT OF THE HOUSE.
In fact, once I finally got into the stinky little box; it was all down the drain from there, my friends.
Not only was there NO PAPER left in the roll ... but when I tried to affix the spare resting on the germ-infested tank behind me, it slipped right through my fingers.
Yep, zipped lickety-split out of my stall and directly into one across the way where someone snapped it up without so much as a "Thanks!" or "Do you need a square or two?"
By some stroke of luck, there was a spare spare which, as I tried for about 9 solid minutes to adjust, prompted my empty bowl to flush about 14,726 times.
Finally, finally, I was ready to roll myself when suddenly, my flush-happy bowl all but dried up.
No matter what I did, I couldn't get it to recycle, Capisce?
Two days later when it flushed, I had another marathon wait...for the motion-sensored paper towel machine to function. This only after the touchless soap dispenser dissed me about 871 times.
Defeated, I walked out the door only to have Kerry yell "WHAT THE HECK TOOK YOU SO LONG?" He's still looking for a ride home.
Ah, home. That wonderful place I'm never leaving again. #RECLUSELIVING #HERMITATHEART #LIVE #LAUGH #LOVE #PRAY #PEACE