Stuff Only Italians Get...

See Sponsors Below.  Jn 3:16 God so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten Son so that everyone who believes in him might have eternal life.

I was chatting with my bella cousin Mary Ann recently. Oh, that’s beautiful for y’all non-Italians, BT Dubs.

Anyway, my cugina (come on now, you can figure that one out on your own, no?) and I were waxing nostalgic, philosophical, political, and flipping hysterical as we laughed and talked and sipped our coffee.

And it was while we both enjoyed what my Pop always called “una tazza de café” we realized that we have some kooky coffee customs in common. 

Quirky cousins.

Correction, semi-pazzo (a/k/a crazy) Italian cousins – we are an odd lot.

In other words, we have some shared traits, habits, idiosyncratic (that one you can look up), and otherwise eccentric traditions that only other Italian Americans would understand.

Allow me to illustrate with an example. 

We both doctor up our daily coffee with creamers or sweeteners or other preferred add-ins; hers include coconut, which never occurred to me but now I’m definitely gonna try. Yum. 

Her concoctions are more elaborate typically include a press, mine are usually hand-selected K-Cups ordered online and delivered far too often. You’re welcome, Amazon.

Anywho, whilst we both dislike black coffee from the usual suspects: Starbucks, Panera, Dunkin’ Donuts, McDonald’s, Wendy’s or even some of the lovely local/regional java shops -- we somehow both love, love, love espresso.

You know, the stuff made in the teeny tiny percolator than only Italians and Italian-Americans own ---typically it
s stored on either the counter or stovetop. 

That little silver-colored contraption that can fit in a handbag but pack the punch of an eight-piece set of American luggage, a’ight?

It kinda looks like the love-child of a Keurig and a teapot. I digress.

Yes, we both love that distinctive coffee with the same consistency and hue as tar, basically. 

The stuff so flipping strong that you slurp it carefully through miniature cups that look like they belong in a little girl’s tea party set. 

It’s just one of the many things you have to be Italian or of Italian descent to fully appreciate.

For instance, you call it apple-picking season. We know better. When the leaves start to abandon their greenness and leap to their crumpled demise, it’s time to start canning tomatoes, yo.

Also, turkey’s for Tetrazzini. As I’ve mentioned a million times before, I didn’t know turkey was the traditional Thanksgiving dinner until I was about 37. 

In my house, we always had homemade pasta for Thanksgiving. And Christmas. And Easter. And New Year’s Eve. And New Year’s Day. Okay, you get it. 

Either way, all I know is, if Italians were at the first Thanksgiving, we’d given the Native Americans a nice Bolognese instead of beads. 

Seriously. There are tons of fabulous foibles that only those reared in Italian households completely comprehend. They include but are absolutely not contained to the following principles:

-Cleaning the house before you leave is imperative.
-Food is love.
-Beating your siblings routinely is okay. Someone else doing it is akin to signing their own death certificate.
-ITALIAN MOTHERS SMOTHER OUR SONS. Sorry. Actually, we’re really not. Deal with it.
-Visible dust on any piece of furniture, light fixture, or other household item is a mortal sin punishable by familial exile. 
-Everyone has a relative named one of the following:

MEN:

• Gino
• Mario
• Marco
• Anthony
• Giuseppe (“Joe for you third and fourth generationers)
• Giovanni
• Angelo
• Mario 
• Luigi

WOMEN:

• Anna
• Maria (modern variations include Mary, Marie, etc.)
• Gianna
• Teresa
• Angela
• Giovanna (my Nonna’s name!!!)
• Sofia
• Stella
• Aurora

Oh, and if you refer to us as EYE-talian? Expect a wooden spoon coming atcha, Capisce? Say Ciao to proud Italian Amerian Kimerer via www.patriciakimerer.com  

---