Gaga, Mariah, Monnie & Me

So, my pup Monnie and I are both March birthday girls. She’s the 22ndand as for Mommy, it’s tomorrow.

She just celebrated the big number 6 and I’m about to enter the last year of my 40s.

Hard, hard gulp.

It occurs to me that next year we will almost be the same age according to human calculation, which is weird since she was two months old and I was 43 YEARS (or like, 516 months) old when we met in May of 2011.

Either way.

I couldn’t help but notice that we share a birthday month with megastar Lady Gaga. The world tends to make a bigger deal of her March 28thbirthday than they do about ours; go figure?

The singer/songwriter, actress, choreographer and all-around cool chic was born Stefani Joanne Angelina Fermanotta. She’s mostly Italian and is Catholic, just like Monnie and me! She was born the year I graduated high school. More ugh.

Anyway, I saw a photo of her online the other day, wearing a t-shirt that read “Queens are born in March.” Ha! I knew Monnie and I were of royal lineage somehow … even though one of us drinks from the toilet every chance she gets. But I’m really trying to cut back on that. I digress.

I started to wonder what other famous people might share Monnie and my birthdays. I did a little digging and learned that actress Reese Witherspoon, author James Patterson, composer Andrew Lloyd Webberand comedian Michael Key Keegan were all born on March 22 --- and Callen, Kyle’s bestie, whom I love like he’s another son of mine. Heck, Captain Kirk himself, William Shatner, was born the same day as Monnie -- clearly many moons earlier, but still! Pretty impressive company my Monica is keeping, no?

Naturally, my next internet search was for famous people born on March 27. Hmm.

The list goes something like this: 1. Bizarre yet brilliant filmmaker Quentin Tarantino. I guess that’s cool except his politics make me want to hurl. 2. Jazz musician Dave Koz. This is absolutely cool though the average Joe knows Andrew Lloyd Webber’s name a lot more handily, I think. 3. & 4. Television actors Nathan Fillion (Rick on “Castle”) and Pauly Perrette (Abby on “NCIS”) ---each of whom I love but neither of whom have ever won an Academy Award or starred in the funniest movie of 2001, like Reese. Stop pretending you haven’t seen “Legally Blonde.” Who else but Reese could carry off that role and be so lovable saying things like, [after being asked if she got admitted to Harvard Law School]…”What? Like it’s hard?” #ellewoodsforpresident

Oh, and lest we forget the other supreme hot mess (myself included) who was born on March 27; Mariah Carey. Ah yes, folks, Mariah…whose beautiful voice has long been eclipsed by her complete asinine diva-ness and overall horrendous train wreck of a personality. Yep, that is one grand lady standing proudly on the 3.27 birthday star with me. Did I mention that she is such a prima donna that she has actually lied about her birth year? Awesome.

Geez, Ma, you couldn’t have held out for a day so I could be zodiacally connected to Lady Gaga and Reba McEntire instead? I suppose it’s just as well, Kate Gosselin will be 41 on Tuesday. Shudder.

Oh well, one more trip around the sun’s not so bad for any of us, now is it? Sure beats not having one more.

I am getting old; yes, I am in a constant battle with gravity. Absolutely, my metabolism and my memory joined hands and went on strike ages ago. But the funny thing is; minor aches and pains and age spots aside; this is the happiest year of life so far. And I keep saying that every March 27.

I mean, I have my sun-moon-and-stars kid (a/k/a my son Kyle = my whole world); his terrific Dad, my parents, my siblings, my friends, my jobs – shoot, I’ve got the Big Guy just gushing more blessings down on me than I deserve; what’s to complain?

It’s sort of like what I saw next to me at a red light yesterday. Here were these two octogenarians, I assume a married couple, talking. Simultaneously. Like, over top of one another. They each looked pretty miffed. Were they arguing? Could they even hear each other? Were they singing? Were they sharing a conversation or having two, separate and independent ones? #angryoldpeopleproblems

The scene was almost an allegory for life. It’s sort of kooky and makes you want to yell; it’s a waiting game; there’s a constant struggle to be seen and heard but yet, at the end of the day, it’s a sunny journey with the people you love most in the world … and when the light turns green, you are moving forward. #lifeisgood

Kimerer is a Tribune Chronicle columnist who is like, really, really old. Don’t remind her, please, but send Monnie birthday wishes and dog bone coupons to www.patriciakimerer.com